We are about to begin the marrying season here at Holy Trinity. Traditionally the month of June was the time to tie the knot but more and more couples are moving the wedding back to later in the summer and now into September and October.

Last January eight couples made their Pre-Cana Conference here at the parish. (Pre-Cana uses the name of the town (Cana) Jesus visited for a wedding feast and turned the water into wine. It is a day long seminar given by our crack team of married couples. It helps couples reflect on and talk about the realities of married life.)

Since then they’ve taken a relationship inventory (FOCCUS) which helps couples discover what they see eye to eye about and what they differ on. It’s kind of like a “snapshot” of their relationship, “you say toe-mate -toe, I say toe-mah-toe” sort of thing.

Finally the couples meet with the priest. We have about three conversations in my office. I hear their autobiographies, where they came from, their families of origin, how they met, how they discovered “this is the one”. I ask them what their plans are for the future; careers, children, housing, education. Most exciting is to hear how the fellow popped the question to his lady. Each one is different and wonderful. Lastly we talk about religion and what role Faith plays in their life.

Part of the reason for the conversations is just to get the couple to talk. Some of course don’t need any encouragement . . . they love to talk. Its fun and laughter is of- ten a part of the conversation. Other couples are less ver- bal, often because of personality. Their stories tend to be shorter and to the point.

Both ways of talking (lots or little) are fine so long as each person is comfortable with the way their partner responds.

But long or short it doesn’t matter . . . just communicate! I remember years ago talking to a young couple soon to be married. I asked the soon to be bride, “Sarah, does Frank believe in God?” She looked puzzled and said, “I don’t know.” A minute later, at my encouragement, she turned to Frank and said, “Do you believe in God?”

I was moved to sadness to think these two were about to get married, have children, journey through life together and yet they didn’t know if either one believed in God. Oh dear.

So here’s a little test for couples thinking about marriage. Find a time when there is no hurry, when you both are relaxed and present to each other. Then ask him or her “Do you believe in God?” Or if you know the general answer already (“yes I do” or “I don’t know” etc.), ask the next question, “Why do you believe?”.

If your friend answers generously, if they truly want to answer your question no matter how awkward it may be, you have a good person who wants to include you into this and other personal parts of their life. Congratulations.

If they refuse to answer or make it sound like the question is stupid or not worth talking about . . . beware. How will God be a part of your marriage if you can’t share what you believe and why? How will you deal with the challenges of life, the moments of Christian joy — Christmas, Easter, First Holy Communion, etc.?

God may ask the believer to be a bridge to faith for the non-believer. This does happen. But be sure you know what’s needed before you leap!

Anyway . . . dear engaged couples . . . we pray for you. We hope your lives together will have great joy. The greatest joy is to have your love bring your spouse to the love of God.

Happy Summer!

Fr.Tim

. . . Some questions to think about. Maybe you could share them with your partner or friend and hear their answers as well. Go slow. Don’t do them all at once.

Can you remember a time as a child (@6-12yrs.) that God seemed close to you? Where were you? How did it feel?

1. When I was 10 years old I thought God was like . . .
2. It’s different now that I am older; God seems like . . .
3. Moments when I find myself believing in God are . . .
4. Things that make it hard to believe in God are . . .
5. Praying is essential to growing in Faith. How do you pray? When do you pray?
6. Finish this sentence: “I turn to God when . . . “
7. How do you know when your love for someone is really real, not just a momentary feeling?
8. Do your children or friends know you believe in God? What evidence do they see?
9. Do you worry sometime that God can’t make this world “right”?
10. Have you ever done something that cost you time and frustration (and gave you nothing in return) solely because it was the right thing to do? How did that feel?
11. Has anything hurtful or frustrating happened to you that later on contained a hidden “goodness” that showed you God was there?
12. What is “a grace”?
13. What do you think children need to know to become who they were meant to be?
14. Tears are most times a sign of love. What would move you to tears?
15. What does the current bickering in Washington, almost monthly acts of senseless violence, natural disasters around the world do to your faith?
16. Jesus tells us, to be his disciples we will experience the cross. What cross (suffering) do you carry in union with Him?
17. “Life is more __________ than I thought it would be.” (What word (s) would you use to reflect your thought? . . . . Hard, happy, boring, full, empty, scary, wonderful, funny, mysterious, etc.)
18. Looking back, do you wish you could change any thing?
19. Looking forward, do you wish to change anything?
20. What has happened in your life that you would NEVER change?

. . . Just some questions to think about and maybe share with someone? ( bet you bump into some God Stuff you didn’t realize was there).

God’s going to get you. But you’ve got to let Him.

Fr. Tim

I’ve said many times that creating a family and raising children is the toughest job in the world. Parents are heroes. One of the things that makes family life such a challenge is the culture we live in. Its values and goals so often conflict with the life experiences we want our children to have.

Most parents want the “best” for their family. But what is the best? Current social norms encourage families to “go for it all”. Sports, social media, cell phones, video games, internet browsing, cable TV are all part of the fabric of young family life.

Each in themselves can be harmless and at best, recreational and restorative. But, as in all things, “too much” causes dysfunction and the breakdown of the peaceful flow of human relationships.

Just last week the newspaper reported that teens were spending more time on the computer and cell phones than in daily sleep! A local college chaplain told me the biggest challenge he had in helping his young students was to get them to put down their iPads and talk to each other!

In all the chatter of social media we are losing something precious . . . the fun and satisfaction of talking and relating with each other. Strong measures to correct this are needed and it will, at times, take courage and wisdom to deal with the resistance.

One step you can take is the family meal (especially on Sunday). Does your family have dinner together? Maybe not every night given people’s crazy schedules – – – but more times than not during the week, families should sit at table to eat and share stories about the day or upcoming events.

It’s not that any one hilarious story or deeply meaningful comment will happen; that’s not the point. What’s happening is the wider event — we’re caring for each other. We’re learning about our lives together. The dinner table is where we show each other “I’ve got your back”, “we are a family”.

Think back. I bet you could tell five really good stories about your dinner table growing up. Funny stories, stories of tears and melt downs, stories of deep sharing. Parents it’s up to you to show your children how important dinner together is. You’re there to create memories.

So . . . . . . cell phones, video games, iPads, all have their proper place, just not at the dinner table.

I’ve told Fr. John this is the perfect image of Purgatory (you can’t sit at the Banquet of Heaven with “you know what” on your shoes). Clean ’em off and you’re welcome at the table. He’s not buying it.

God loves you very much.

Fr. Tim

We are proud to announce our new Music Ministry Team for 2018 and beyond.

We welcome Linda Carson as Organist. Linda and her husband Mark, have been parishioners for 6 years. She brings a beautiful touch and sound to the organ at Holy Trinity. Welcome, Linda!

Lisa Thyne is our new Choir Director. Lisa has been a parishioner and a choir member for just a year. Lisa brings a love of Liturgy and music. She will direct the Adult Choir, Contemporary Ensemble and the Children’s Choir.

Clare Schreiber will be Music Coordinator, helping with the selection of Music, coordinating and overseeing cantors and being liaison to the Staff at HT. She will also step in to help with funerals during the week when possible.

We are excited to have this new trio in our Music Ministry, and hope you will join us in welcoming them to the team!

We will officially introduce the team in September, but feel free to say “welcome/hi” in the meantime!

Linda Carson | Lisa Thyne | Clare Schreiber

The power of addiction can be overcome by God’s grace. Period. God does not want His children in bondage. He made us in the divine image, free to act and choose. Somehow the power of addiction has captured us. We need to find a way to let God’s power into this dark and scary place. How do we do that?

It’s probably best to turn to those who have experienced a release from their addiction. The first people that come to mind are our brothers and sisters in the 12 Step Program of Recovery. Over the years they have discovered a certain path to victory over addiction to food, alcohol, pornography, gambling, etc. These 12 steps, if followed with docility and humility, will lead to freedom from addiction.

I want to focus on the first three steps as I feel they hold the key to all that follows. Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over____________. Step 2: We came to believe that God (my Higher Power) could restore us to freedom and sanity. Step 3: We made a decision to turn our will and our lives to the care of God.

Here I think is the genius of the 12 Steps. It comes by admitting we’ve lost the battle. The addiction is just too big and too strong to hold out against. Every time it’s me vs. my addiction . . . I lose. I’ve tried a 1000 times to NOT do that and a 1000 times I failed.

The key to “sobriety”, as they say, is to admit I’ve lost. It’s a moment of terrible honesty. It takes real humility. Our enemy the devil, hates it when we’re honest. He wants us to think our addiction is not that bad so we’ll continue to play this losing game with him.

The terrible truth is I’ve lost the battle. I’ll never overcome this addiction by myself; and here is where the miracle happens. We let go of the part that’s broken (me) and we turn to a power that we’ve never called on before (The Lord).

Here’s a picture of what this healthy surrender looks like. Imagine a boxing ring (sorry ladies!). Inside stands Mike Tyson (the famous heavy weight champ). He’s breathing fire and motions for you to join him in the ring. You’ve gone toe to toe with him in the past. He always knocks you out. Every time.

Would anyone on earth fault you for not going into the ring with this ferocious warrior? In fact, wouldn’t people question your sanity if you were dumb enough to get in that ring? What’s the smart thing to do? Why not tell old Mike, “I’m done fighting you. I always lose. I’m not getting in that ring anymore.” The power of surrender robs addiction of its power. It can’t conquer you because you’re just not going to play. Simple eh?!

But now comes the positive side, something you can DO. Steps 2 & 3 point to a moment when “we came to believe that God will help” and “we made a decision to turn our will and life over to the care of God.” (This “came to believe” is a blind trust. It’s a letting go. A death of sorts. It’s a grace from God. Pray for this gift of surrender). In short it’s like saying, “I can’t God. But you can . . . if I get out of the way.” Then the daily repetition of these steps begins (sometimes out loud to God in prayer). “I can’t Lord. You can. I’m yours. Do what you want with me.” Daily . . . daily . . . we have to return to these steps: surrender, believe in that power beyond yours, and giving Him charge of your life.

Slowly, sometimes quickly, the compulsion to “get in the ring” weakens. The addiction doesn’t go without a fight however. It uses many tricks and voices in your head to try to convince you how futile are your efforts. “You’ll never lick this. Think how boring and cold life will be without me to comfort you. You’ll never make it without me (your addiction).” All lies.

So much more to consider on this topic but for now I think if we focus on two things:
1. “I surrender . . . I’ve lost the battle.” and
2. “I’m in your hands Lord. I’ll be the clay; you be the potter.” You will begin to see God’s freedom dawn on you.

One more thing . . . once you’ve surrendered DON’T LOOK BACK. Go straight ahead. Don’t worry. Freedom takes time.

Fr. Tim

“These things are addictive.” he said as he finished the whole bag of chips. We all know what that means. Something that tastes so good that it’s hard to resist eating too much of it.

But in the common mind real addiction happens when we experience an inability to stop. It becomes a way of acting to which we are driven (even in spite of our better judgment). Where does this strange power over us begin?

St. Thomas Aquinas would tell us, it begins with something quite good: desire. Many earthly activities bring about enjoyable physical and psychological states. Food, drink, sex, winning, etc. We desire those states and there- by insure their repetition. Food tastes good because nature wants us to eat every day. Sex brings intense pleasure because nature must find a sure way to foster new generations. These pleasures are strong inducements to these particular actions, but by themselves they are not addictive.

What makes a particular thing addictive is its power to increase this particular desire over other human experiences. We get to a point when, without this feeling we feel down, almost a sort of poverty. I begin to prefer my addiction to all the other states of being. I seek to always increase the time I might spend with it.

At this point the addictive power begins to limit human freedom. There is no end to my desiring this activity. It will not quietly take its place among other human activities. Like the moon which disappears when the sun rises, the other good things of life can’t compete with the blinding desire of addiction.

Moments like, kindness, friendship, generosity, humor, as pleasurable as they are, are not addictive because they lack the power to overwhelm. One experiences these moments without others losing their appeal.

Where does the addiction get its power? Science has been hard at work to find out. They tell us, over time, repeated brain waves of intense pleasure wear a pathway in our brain.

Along this path, powerful hormones (pheromones) produce a “high”. The addictive behavior has found a shortcut to the feeling of “well-being”. It’s only a matter of time that this easy “wellness” becomes our preferred state. In this theory all addiction is, in one sense, a drug addiction (the pheromone release in my brain.)

Other theories are more behavior based. But they too have a “pain relief” purpose. Psychologists tell us we all have elements of emotional pain in our lives. Some pain is life long and comes from traumatic instances in our youth. Others are less dramatic but chronic (loneliness, depression, fear, boredom, etc.). We can turn to certain behaviors that self-medicate painful emotional states.

For example, a person tied to a job she hates, without family or friends to enjoy life with, with little or no hope for anything changing for the better can self medicate at the casino, the bar, the internet, the kitchen, cell phone, etc. . . . . anything to change the low emotional wellness level.

Let’s be honest. We all run the risk of finding something to which we are inclined in an unhealthy, addictive way. Feeling his weak human nature St. Paul writes to the Romans, “My inner being delights in the law of God. But in my body I see a different law. A law that fights against the law of God . . . I don’t understand what I do; for I don’t do what I want to do, but instead I do what I hate.” Romans 7: 14-25 Ever been there?

How do we get free when being tied up feels so good? A spiritual thing has to happen. We’ll talk about that here next week.

In the meantime I beg you . . . please know that God has this figured out. There is a solution. It has to do with good people and embracing the Truth (which Jesus says will “set us free” Jn. 8:32.) As usual, it’s simple . . . but not easy.

See you at the ballpark?

Fr. Tim

As the spring ends and we look forward to summer, I am happy to say goodbye to snow, the school year, and the Catholic Ministry Appeal. Don’t get me wrong, I love the first day of school (said by all parents), a snowy white Christmas morning, and all the amazing programs and ministries that come directly from the CMA. But it is nice to wrap each of them up, take a break and get away to enjoy the beautiful summer. We also take this time to reflect on how harsh the winter was, how amazing our kid’s teachers were, and if we made our CMA goal.

Back in October 2017 the Diocese of Rochester asked its 90 faith communities to raise 6.55 million dollars at the kick off for the Catholic Ministries Appeal. This HUGE campaign goes to support everything from Catholic Schools, education for seminarians, support for the Catholic Family Center, and hundreds of jobs that make the Diocese of Rochester the wonderful faith community that we are blessed to be a part of.

Holy Trinity parish was asked to contribute $151,384.00 to the CMA. This ask was an increase of almost $9,000 from the previous year’s goal of $142,438.00.

WHY would they increase this number when we didn’t make our goal last year? HOW do they come up with $151,384.00? I asked these questions while I sat in the pew as a parishioner and again when I began working here 6 years ago.

No, they don’t just increase each parish 4%…. No, they don’t divide the $6.55 million evenly over each of the 90 faith communities…..No, they don’t pick a number out of a hat. The CMA for each parish is an allocation based on 4 factors.

1. The number of registered parishioners.
2. The average weekly attendance.
3. The average weekly collections over the last 3 years.
4. The U.S. median income for our area.

These 4 factors tell the Diocese what we already know. That Holy Trinity is blessed to have a large parishioner base of over 2,000 families, and 1,300 people attend mass each weekend. The Diocese rec- ognizes that we are a truly generous faith community and that they can count on us to be leaders in the CMA. There are only 9 other churches that had a higher goal than Holy Trinity placing us in the top 10% of the whole Diocese.

So, how did we do? Six-Hundred twenty-three families (623) pledged $149,645.00. When the campaign ended on May 31, Holy Trinity was $1,420.00 short. 31% of our registered households donated to the CMA (DOR average is 32%). Donations ranged from $5.00 to $5,125.00. The average gift amount was $241.00 (DOR Average gift is $242.00) and most often families gave $100.00.

We didn’t make our goal, BUT we got 99.06% of the way there.

That’s an A+ as far as I’m concerned!

So here’s one last THANK YOU – the CMA only happens because of YOU!

Have a great summer.
Kasey Baker, Business Manager

(Give this to a 20/30 Something)

Two roads lie ahead of us. One directs our lives to a God who we cannot see. The other road is in search of some hope for happiness here on earth before the lights go out.

The God Factor is critical in how you experience life. Things go off in two very different directions depending on what you believe about God and whether this God has a purpose for your life. See what you think. . . . .

Here’s what happens if there is no God
(or if God is totally unconcerned about humans walking the earth.)

Pretty grim, wouldn’t you say? Yet that is the way of the human heart without God. You see, we humans were MADE FOR God. Made to enter into relationship with Him and without Him . . . . we lose our purpose for existing. We become, as the great theologian Romano Guardini put it, “clever animals”.

The revealed God of Christianity changes everything.

Here’s what happens when you let God into your life. (These contrast with 1-8).

Go with God.
Fr. Tim

I remember a long time ago part of my seminary preparation sent me to a summer chaplain school in a county hospital in Dallas, Texas. There were 13 in our chaplain class. 12 Southern Baptists/Assembly of God and one Catholic (me).

We would meet daily for intensive meetings about the patients we were working with and then we’d break for lunch. It was during our lunches that we’d learn more about each other and what our personal faith traditions taught. You can imagine the attention the Catholic guy got!

Comments like: “You Catholics like statues!” Or, “You worship Mary.” Or, “the Pope is as important as Jesus.” Or, “Just go to mass and you go straight to heaven, right?” But the one question that we spent most of our time on was, “Do Catholics accept Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior?” “Did you accept him Tim?”

It really made me step out of my Catholic world to see what these Baptist classmates knew in their bones as little children . . . “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.” A real, living, present person . . . my friend Jesus. “Yes”, I said, but they made me dig deep inside to realize this friendship.

Many Catholics are a little slow to answer “have I accepted Jesus into my life”? “Do you mean, do I love God? Of course I do. I go to mass. I say my prayers. I try to live right. Does that mean I have a personal relationship with Jesus?”

I would say “yes”. You’ve got the basics covered there . . loving and serving a God we cannot see. However, I think the question goes a bit further than that, asking in a sense is this relationship with Christ PERSONAL? Does it bear the signs of a relationship? Is there a familiarity with Jesus that one would have in a dear friendship?

Is there at times an emotional level to your speaking with God? (For example: “Lord you know I can’t do this. (forgive, try again, turn away from some habit). Please help me!!!” That’s a personal relationship.)

What if I don’t recognize these feelings in my relationship with Christ? Have I accepted Jesus as my personal Savior? Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember, you HAVE a relationship with Christ GIVEN to you in baptism. You are a child of God and you are invited to call God your Father. It’s a gift. Accept it.

The other personal feeling stuff comes naturally to any- one who loves God and tries to do what is good. If my chaplain friends had asked me “do you always FEEL Christ’s friendship?” I would have to answer “no”. Feelings come and go. There are times when we are filled with affections toward those we love. At other times things feel dry and everyday. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s just how life is.

But there is one infallible way to determine whether we have a personal relationship with Jesus – – – – how do we treat our neighbor in need? Why is this the measure (and not some spiritual feeling)? Because Jesus said so.

“As often as you (fed, clothed, visited, comforted) these little ones, you did it for me.” MT. 25:31ff. And, “Whoever has not loved a brother/sister whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.” 1 John 4:20. In other words, Christ takes it PERSONALLY when we care for our neighbor. Kindness to them is kindness TO ME says the Lord.

Loving our neighbor is essential to having a personal relationship with Jesus as Lord and Savior.

God bless you and meet you in these spring days.

Fr. Tim

There was a beautiful “Prayer at The Foot of The Altar” at the beginning of mass some years ago. Translated from Latin it says, “I will go to the altar of God.” And the response of the altar server was, “To God, who restores the joy of my youth.”

I love that phrase . . . “the joy of my youth.” Some questions arise however: 1. What is that joy like? 2. What hap- pened to it that it has to be restored? And 3, why do I have to go to God to get it back?

1. Think back. What were the times that best captured the unique happiness you had as a kid? I think of Christmas morning (just before the presents were opened). Or some- thing new always got us, right? The first snow, a new ball glove, a doll, new shoes, a bike or a sled (wow!). Maybe it was a trip to a far away place. (The Maid of the Mist at Niagara Falls totally amazed me at age ten!)

But what defines “the joy of youth”? How is it different from middle age joy? I think it has something to do with the fact that there is nothing to temper it. A child has no accumulation of disappointing moments or fears of being tricked or laughed at. Happiness (like tears) comes quickly and sharply with no filters.

And one other thing (the best thing actually) . . . joy (in a young person’s head) will last forever. There’s been little experience of life’s eventual hurts and disappointments. There has yet to develop that callus we all acquire to deaden feelings and expectations of happiness. Remember summer as a kid? It’s going to last forever!

2. So what happened to this joy? Well, life happened. Tricks were played, lies told, promises broken, bicycles stolen, plans abandoned. You know, life here on earth. Welcome to the world kids. This is life after that mysterious fall of Adam and Eve.

We cover up, we hide our feelings, sarcasm becomes the adult form of humor. Being “on guard” is how we live now because, as “The Who” sings, “we won’t get fooled again”. And on guard we should be . . . there’s tough things out there.

3. So how does God, and only God, restore the joy of our youth? Quite simply God has provided the remedy for the dashed hopes of the human heart. The remedy does not turn us back into children hoping for a new pony. It points us to the original plan, the one lost so long ago.

God redirects our faulty longing . . . toward Him. All the false joys and counterfeit happiness fade away in the in- tense light of what God has given us in His Son Jesus Christ. Hear what St. Paul (the former cynic known as Saul) says of this new thing that God has done.

“We have peace now with God through our Lord Jesus Christ . . . and we boast in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we boast of our afflictions, knowing that they produce endurance, and endurance proven character, and proven character, hope.”

Paul goes on . . . “And this hope does not disappoint, be- cause the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.” Romans 5:5

It is this Hope that restores the joy of our youth. It made Paul say elsewhere, “there is nothing in all creation that will ever be able to separate us from the love of God which is ours in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38

So the joy of our youth is restored. That’s right children; we’re going to be with God in His Kingdom . . . forever and ever. Yay!!!

Spread the good news.

Fr. Tim